Kolkata, we need to talk.
No, not about the Metro being delayed (again). Not even about whether rosogolla is spelled with one’s or two’s. We need to talk about the epidemic sweeping our city faster than dengue mosquitoes in August.
We’re talking about the roadside biryani cart culture.
Yes, that magical utopia where ₹60 gets you a mountain of orange rice, a sweaty egg, a mystery piece of chicken, and the mild anxiety of “Ei ki murgi naki kucho dinosaur?”
Once upon a time, Kolkata’s biryani had class. Grace. Nawabi finesse. Today, it’s like watching Shakespeare being rewritten by TikTok. With autotune.
How Did We End Up Here?
It started innocently enough. A humble cart outside a bus stop. A tired office-goer. A seductive signboard:
“Chicken Biryani – Rs 59 Only. With Egg Free.”
And before we knew it, biryani had become the Maggi of Kolkata. Cheap, fast, questionably edible, and somehow everywhere. You’ll find it outside IT parks, colleges, pandals, and most alarmingly, at weddings. Yes, someone actually served Rs 60 biryani at their daughter’s biye. Guests are still recovering.
The great non-branded biryani joints in and around Calcutta- Part 1
The Great Kolkata Biryani Swap: Soul for Salt
Here’s what we had, once upon a time:
- Long-grain basmati that didn’t stick to your gums
- Saffron and rose water, not orange food colour, were made in a basement in Barasat
- Mutton that melted, not chicken that needs dental insurance
- That one legendary aloo, a whole religion unto itself
Now? You get:
- Masala rice is so oily that it could qualify for a diesel subsidy
- Chicken that’s been boiled, fried, confused, and emotionally unavailable
- And a free tissue. Just one. For your face. Not your soul.
- Graph We’ll Never Actually Draw: Traditional Biryani: 100% Dum vs. Current Biryani: 80% Dumb.
Meet the New King of the Street: Quantity Biryani
Here’s the business model:
One dekchi. One man. One dream: Feed 700 people with 5 kilos of rice, a few chickens, and 1 packet of “Biryani Masala” that tastes like a college heartbreak — strong, synthetic, and unforgettable for all the wrong reasons.
If We Were Serious, We’d Show You This Chart:
- INR 60 biryani: 95% rice, 3% meat, 2% regret
- Real biryani: 50% craft, 30% meat, 20% pride
Who’s Suffering? (Spoiler: You, Me & traditional Biryani Dada)
- The Ustads
The old-school biryani ustads who once whispered to their rice grains like poets? Now watching TikTok videos in confusion while their shops close one by one. - Your Tastebuds
You grew up on subtle, smoky biryani. Now your mouth is on fire, and you think that’s normal. Beta, that’s not spice — that’s industrial-grade chilli powder. - Kolkata’s Food Legacy
The city that gave the world kathi rolls, telebhaja, and the genius of adding potato to biryani is now slurping down reheated chicken and calling it culture.
But It’s Cheap! You say. Well… So is Sadness.
Sure, INR 60 for biryani sounds like a great deal.
Until:
- You spent INR 600 at the doctor because your stomach went “Nope.”
- You forget what real biryani tastes like and start calling anything with yellow rice “flavourful”
- You take a bite and start questioning your life choices
This is not about classism. Eat whatever brings you joy. But can we please stop celebrating mediocrity like it’s a Michelin star?
The Glorious Rise of Biryani Reels and the Fall of Biryani Itself
Thanks to some “influencers”, your YouTube algorithm is now flooded with:
- “I ATE INR29 BIRYANI FOR 7 DAYS – AM I DEAD?”
- “WE PUT 5 ROAD BIRYANIS TO THE TEST (One Gave Us Loose Motion!)”
- “Viral INR49 Biryani: Real or Scam? (Spoiler: Yes)”
This isn’t content. This is culinary gaslighting.
What Can We Do, Kolkata? Other Than Cry Silently?
We suggest:
- Buy less. Eat better.
Pay ₹120 instead of ₹60. Your intestines will thank you. - Support Old-School Biryani Shops.
Even if their social media is stuck in 2009, and the waiters scowl at you. - Stop Glorifying Garbage.
Just because something is cheap doesn’t mean it’s content-worthy. Would you do a reel on ₹20 root canal? Exactly. - Rediscover What Real Good Biryani Tastes Like.
It’s not meant to punch you in the throat with masala. It’s meant to hug you gently with saffron and ghee.
In Conclusion: Eat Cheap, But Don’t Eat Crap
Kolkata is not just a city. It’s a thali of 200-year-old food stories. Let’s not ruin it for a discount.
So next time you see that flashing ₹59 biryani board and feel tempted, take a breath. Ask yourself: Is this hunger or just habit?
And if you still eat it, please carry your own tissue. And an antacid.
Shoutout to All True Biryani Lovers:
Have a biryani horror story? A hidden gem in Behala that still does biryani with love? Want to rant about orange rice and undercooked chicken? Write to us. Or just scream into the void.
indrajit.lahiri@ymail.com
Bon Appetit!!!
